Hello Friends! First of all, I would just love to say thank you so much for all those who have given me feedback on my blog. I'm so glad that you are enjoying it, and that you are even reading it! If you'd like, please feel free to leave comments on the page. That would actually be kind of nice :) Don't be shy! hehe.
Well, I suppose I should talk about today then. I'm feeling feelings of immense guilt today. IMMENSE guilt. Not just because of one thing in particular, in fact, I'm not really thinking about anything much, just observing. But now that we're talking about thinking, I think I feel guilty because I'm not able to love as much as I want to. I'm not able to generate as much compassion as I want to. I know we should never do this (compare one experience to another), but before, when I was on the West Coast, I felt like I had greater ability in generating this type of energy, and here, I seem to be lacking. Maybe it's the change of environment? Maybe it's the shift in environmental space and energy? I'm not sure, I just feel that I'm not able to show those whom I love how much I really love them. I'm not able to be as happy and energetic as I know I can be.
Maybe it's simply a matter of wanting to be that way, and then I will be?
Maybe I'm not wanting it enough, maybe I'm actually enjoying cutting myself off?
The problem is, I don't want to be the cause of hurt or pain for anyone, although I understand fully well that that is out of my control. We cannot control how people FEEL or REACT to us and our actions. All I can do is try and make sure that I am following the Noble Eightfold Path- and I simply don't feel like I am. (Can you tell I'm a bit hard on myself?)
What is the Noble Eightfold Path?
The Noble 8-fold Path (Ariyo atthangiko maggo):
note: the words in parentheses are the Pali translations
Sila (precepts or morality)
1. Right Speech (Samma Vaca)
2. Right Action (Samma Kammo)
3. Right Livelihood (Samma Ajivo)
Samadhi (concentration)
1. Right Exertion or right effort (Samma Vayamo)
2. Right Awareness (Samma Sati)
3. Right Concentration (Samma Samadhi)
Panna (wisdom or insight)
1. Right Aspiration/ Thought (Samma Sankappo)
2. Right Understanding (Samma Ditthi)
Right, right right. Right, right right right right.
ha, that was fun.
I guess, I'm also just feeling like, I was BLESSED with SO MANY GIFTS, and I'm not doing my part to benefit the world with them, because I don't know how! And this frustrates me deeply. I wish that I could just find a way to become more helpful, more beneficial, I wish the universe would guide me in the direction that I need to go.
Or maybe it has? And I'm just constantly second- guessing my intuition, and falling prey to those around me telling me that I have a couple of screws loose, and I can't trust the " Universe" to provide it all? Has the cattle eaten my little tree?
Ah. The things that go on in my head. I told you i'd be explicitly honest! It's a good thing these are all so fleeting and impermanent. My goodness, I mean, there are SO MANY THINGS to be grateful for !!!! Every morning, when I wake up, I take 15 minutes for G-d , prayer, and meditation. This meditation is aside from the 1 hr in the morning, 1 hr in the evening, of course ;). I thank the Divine that I am blessed with a roof over my head, a beautiful bed to sleep in, warm comfy sheets, food to eat (or juice! haha), a juicer to JUICE that food, a house, everything! I am ALWAYS provided for, always! Not just with material things, but with LOVE, with blessings, with earth, soil, sunshine, air to breath, a healthy body (fully intact), an inquiring mind, meditation, anything and everything!
In fact, I would just love to take a moment here and thank, genuinely, all those who provided for me in the past 7 months of my travels. My parents, whose patience and financial support made it possible. ALL the beautiful beings who generously let me into their homes, and all those who offered me a place to stay when I needed it. So many "strangers" assisted in getting me to where I needed to go. So many new friends and faces along the way. SO many un-paralleled and valuable lessons!
I am never, ever, without friends, family, shelter, food, anything. I am a blessed, blessed girl, and I know that the Angels, G-d, and the Universe are always taking perfect care of ME, and YOU! The Universe is taking care of every-single-one-of-us.
No exceptions. No take backs.
The trouble, i've come to realize from personal experience and observation, is; we have this pre-determined of what we "need" or what is "right for us", so when we ask for something, and what we get is not what we expected, we get mad! We get so frustrated, and curse the world for putting us through this misery! But if we just trusted in Divine timing and that everything is inevitable, everything that is meant for us is coming in perfect timing, then we might ease up a little bit.
This is, undoubtedly, something that I'm working through.
I want everything NOW! Right NOW! I'm ready Universe, SOCK IT TO ME!
I often forget I need patience. I need to go through certain experiences first before my full and true purpose may be revealed to me.
There is NO such thing as coincidence.
All my friends, and all the people I meet, tell me that I'm "19 going on 85", and I need to slow down. That's because they know me. They tell me that everything i've been through, and everything i've accomplished at such a young age is fascinating, remarkable, and they admire my knowing what I know, and doing what I do a. My family tends to tell me the opposite; that I'm completely wasting my life, wasting my talent, my mind, and everything I'm doing is utterly and un-mistakably wrong.
As you might imagine, this totally screws with my head.
The thing is, I'm SO OLD. I've been through lifetimes and lifetimes upon lifetimes of this already, doing so many things, that my spirit just wants to get the "Lesson" stuff over with already, and get A 'CRACKIN.
Ah, ah, ah, ahaha life. I love it. Every second of it. I'm really grateful to have the opportunity to even muse over such things! 7 months ago, I wouldn't even know what I was talking about right now, ha! I'd think I was talking alien, or on some sort of acid trip. I wouldn't be too far off! What a trip! Oh, Dhamma. Oh, Universe. 
Oh, LIFE!
^^HAHA. Get it?
SO- today is Day 5 of Juice Fast time.
All in all it's been pretty good. I still have not done enema's *curses at self*. I fully understand how beneficial they are, really! It's just...gahhhh. You know? And, my stomach hurts a little bit. Well, not so much hurts as it feels uncomfortable, like there's something lodged into it.
So, as for my day, I spent the majority of it at the Port Washington (Long Island) Public Library, editing a book. It's a really fantastic book, I'm learning so much. I'm actually super grateful to be editing this book, because if I wasn't, I definitely would not have made the time to read it. The book is going to be sold online as an E-Book. It's all about nutrition, health, vitamins, minerals, and everything you ever wanted to know about it. I'll post a link to it when it's done- I highly recommend EVERYONE read it.
Even the Raw/Vegan foodies! It's not a totally veg- friendly book. The author ( a doctor practicing for over 20 years) believes that animal products are absolutely essential for good health, but don't let that turn you off. If you never get the other side of the story, how are you ever going to fully educate yourself? Also, I do believe that unlike most animal- product believers, he remains conscious of those who are vegetarian, and gives vegetarian alternatives to almost everything. Ah- NIICE!
Aside from the non Veg-friendly part, the book is amazing. It is written in extremely simple terms, so that any average person will be able to understand. Kind of like the NY subway map. It's really intimidating at first, but then you realize "wow this was made so that, literally, a 5 year old could get their way around" and then all of a sudden you see what a piece of cake it is.
The book is in Question- Answer form, and when reading, the feeling is that you're sitting right there in his office, as a patient, asking complicated questions with extremely easy- to understand answers. I think this is what makes the book truly remarkable; this BEYOND intelligent Doctor, took the time and effort to make sure he broke down every single complicated issue, and transformed it into something that everyone, no matter who you are, will be able to relate to.
On a TOTAL side- note, I'm listening to Imogen Heap- Speak For Yourself, and WOW, the memories. Wow, wow. I used to listen to this every day when I was living in NYC. Time line, around Feb '08- Aug'08.
<---
(old life, apartment, friends picture) My goodness how things change.
OK lovers- please enjoy your night. It's time for this little princess to get her rest.
Thank you again for reading, I truly am touched by all of you, and I hope you feel the same.
in HEALTH, CONSCIOUSNESS, HONESTY, LOVE.
Photo's by: Google Images
No comments:
Post a Comment