A tiny trip into my head..

....I really enjoy ....watching avocado's ripen. Even more than that, I thoroughly enjoy eating them after they have ripened. hehe. :)

Speaking of FOOD....Today is Day 4 of my Green Juice Fast. Today is the first day that i've had any juice though. The first two days I had water, yesterday was lemonade (lemon juice, water, stevia) , and today was about 9 oz. of Juice, than the rest of the day was lemon water, tea, and plain water. I did, however, make myself a special little elixir earlier , consisting of;

• pomegranate juice 
  
• bee pollen 
  
• lemonade
• natural mineral water. 

It was sooooooooooo delicious!

I find that this is a typical pattern for me when fasting- Not really wanting juice for the first 4-5 days. I'm curious as to why. Hmm. I haven't been doing enema's, which some believe are essential on a fast, but I have to be honest, I just really dislike doing enema's. They are typically the last thing i'd ever choose to do.

Anyways. So I just came out of a beautiful Candle- Lit bath that I drew for myself, and it was wonderfully pleasant. About 3 weeks ago, my friend Jenna told me that I have no excuse not to take a bath every single day. Well, so far i've taken two. Ha! They were really nice. I'm not going to say baths are not relaxing, they are, but for some reason they make me feel sort of stuck and anxious. Maybe it's because I drowned once. Who knows. 

A bunch of things came up for me today during my bath- 

• a) I realized more than ever how much I need to move on and out, and start my own life
  
• b) A lot of feelings came up about someone whom I was recently in a relationship with, and those feelings were of hurt, anger, betrayal, isolation. 
  
• c) I enjoy helping others more than I enjoy helping myself. This is very twisted. 
  
• d) I really like the new TV show "Lie To Me" and would love to learn how to detect people's emotions, merely based on facial expression and body language. 

Isn't it amazing how we think of things when we're taking a bath/ shower/ going to the bathroom/ washing up for bed? 

One (of many) good thing about Vipassana is; it teaches us to observe our feelings as they come up, not to suppress them in any way, and remain equanimous with them. Meaning: we learn how to maintain the balance of our minds. Rather than generating passion, clinging and craving, or having aversion, we are taught to simply observe the reality as it is, and remain equanimous. 

I get a lot of mixed feelings about this person, but lately i've just been feeling a LOT of anger, resentment, and hurt. It's really wonderful to be able to just observe feelings, and remain pretty much un- reactive to them. Of course, this may not always be the case. Anicca, Anicca, as I always say! Anicca is the Pali word for

Impermanence. We are all living in the world of Impermanence, it is the Universal Law of Nature! Every second, everything is changing! The seasons, our mood, the light, our vision, everything. Even our bodies are impermanent, eventually, our spirits will move on, and these bodies will stay here and get dug into the ground or burnt into ashes.

Oh boy, I really want to got back to CVC, and I really want to serve a course then sit a course. It's so nice in either order, but I think I like that one better. For me, going with a friend or a loved one made the experience that much more amazing. 

Today has been a pretty rough day emotionally. Staying here at my parents house, even for a short while, has really brought back a LOT of baggage. I knew it would be hard, but it's actually harder than I thought it would be. I don't feel like I can be myself here, and I don't feel that i've been doing my best in remaining equanimous with the situation at hand. I feel that I'm reacting too much to my parents, and I'm not putting enough effort in generating as much love and compassion as I can. Again though, Anicca Anicca! It's a long long path, and I know one day i'll learn how to seperate myself. This is one of the driving factors of me moving on and out- starting my own life and making my own money, that way I can follow my own rules under my own conditions. 

Ah, well. Everything is going to work out, I know it will.
I'm going to go now, but before I do, i'd like to leave you all with a quote, something that i'm

 not sure I fully understand, but it's something to wrap our heads around:

The Universe 
"A man said to the universe:

"Sir, I exist!"

"However," replied the universe, 

The fact has not created in me 

A sense of obligation."

-Stephen Crane

The universe doesn't give us an engraved invitation to participate in life. And just showing up to the party doesn't guarantee us a good time. The universe responds to our actions. We get out of it what we put into it.

-Lissa Coffey

Photos from: Google Images